lima: raja lawak

I used to wrote funny stories but now it seems like I already lost my touch.
Seriouly. Aku baca entri2 aku semuanya perkara sedih, serious, anger etc.

Patut ke aku salahkan kau sebab kau terus tarik jiwa aku pergi ke dasar lubuk mariana. Aku rasa macam sampah tahu ada perasaan macam nie. Ingat nak mulakan hidup baru, which I already started a long time ago, tapi macam mayat hidup je.

I'm laughing but inside I'm weeping
I'm met people but I still feel alone

Gila ke hape?

Apa kau rasa sekarang? Dengar cerita nak kahwin. Good for you, liar.

Aku dah tak tahu macam mana lagi nak ubah diri. I try to be better for me, but dah penat nak pura2 gagah. Aku nak toleh ke belakang, to someone, look him in the eyes and tell him, please lend me your shoulder as I'm weak.

Did I mentioned that I'm allowed myself to be fool by other people?

Orang gunakan aku untuk kepentingan diri sendiri and they can back-out anytime they want. And yes, I'm a good pretender. Do you think I do not mind with all of this?

I do. Really, I do.

But why I'm allowed such people in my life?

Because I'm depressed and I need a friend. Plus I think I'm hunger for agony.

I forbid myself to get any happiness because I don't think I deserve it at all. There are too much sins in my life that I need to repay to Him.

I don't feel the connection with people anymore. I tried a thousand times, each time I met my friends but in the end I just sit in the corner talking to myself.